When religious people come to my door to attempt to proselytize me, I feel peeved. How dare they push their agendas on me? Why do they think their way is better than my way? But at the same time, I find myself sometimes trying to push my agenda on others, or in other words, trying to influence the way people think. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Should I strive, in trying to be a more mindful person, to not push my agenda on people? Or is it good to try to educate people about their choices?
We all know the adage “you can’t change people,” yet it doesn’t stop us from trying, even in subtle ways. For example, I go grocery shopping for my Dad, and he usually wants me to buy tons and tons of frozen meals, cases of water and soda, and other overly packaged, processed, expensive items. I have to fight the urge to try to proselytize him about his shopping choices.
In another instance, I took my sister grocery shopping with me, and she bought all these frozen meals and packaged snacks, and yet she didn’t bag her fruits and veggies. She said it was her attempt to cut down on bag consumption. At that point, I couldn’t resist pointing out to her the fact that it is kind of strange to buy tons of packaged foods, and yet balk at using a couple of bags to make the checker’s life easier. Should I have held my tongue? When is it okay to educate people about their choices, and when is it just plain rude? I regretted saying anything about my sister’s no-bag choice, because I’m pretty sure it made her feel like an ass, which was not my intention.
It is difficult to filter your own reactions to people’s choices and behavior. This is especially true when you teach teenagers, like I do, especially when your students come from a different cultural and economic background. When I first started teaching, I thought that everyone should go to a four-year college right after high school, that that was the right path to take in life, and virtually the only path that could lead to a comfortable income, barring winning the lottery or becoming an actor or professional athlete. So while teaching my geometry classes, I would try to motivate my students by telling them that they needed to understand geometry in order to do well on the SAT and to develop the reasoning skills they would need in college. One time, one kid told me, “I don’t want to go to college. I just want to go work with my dad.” So I realized that I shouldn’t try to always push my college-going agenda on kids, and just continue to provide them the opportunity and to educate them on how to get to college, without jamming it down their throats.
Another thing I encounter with my students that makes me have to bite my tongue is that all the girls want to become a nurse or an elementary school teacher or a psychologist, or some other traditionally female occupation. Even the exceptionally bright, all-star students want to be nurses in large numbers, and I think to myself, why not become a doctor? They have the capability to get through the schooling, so why do they limit themselves? But who am I to second-guess their choices? Maybe becoming a nurse is more aligned with their families’ expectations of them. And that’s okay.
Hmm. . .I recently read a pretty interesting guest post from a highly disgruntled doctor on ERE. In fact, the writer has an entire blog called Medicinesux !! It quite convinced me that being a doctor is not all it’s cracked up to be. My brother in law is a nurse and he absolutely loves it. Works in a psychiatric hospital. Really, I was around during some of his studies and the whole thing sounded pretty fascinating. . .so why not be a nurse? You can be just as happy and fulfilled, I think–perhaps without the student loans.
And I like your discussion about trying to decide when to make a comment about your opinion. Ugh! It’s hard. . .um, and it’s also cultural. I find that here in France, people will offer an opinion on something that would be perhaps considered rude or invasive here in the States.
I go nuts when my parents try to convert me to their political beliefs (not gonna happen!) but at the same time, I permit myself to tell them if I think their diets are unhealthy. In short, I hate when people try to win me over to their side, but I do have a hard time stopping myself from spouting my own opinions. . .what to do? I’m a hypocrite. Or maybe I’m just so right that my opinions couldn’t be annoying
You’re right about being a doctor, except that I feel that some of my girl students are limiting themselves to what is expected of them. I have one girl who is choosing nursing over environmental science because she thinks it’s more practical, and it’s more in line with family expectations. There are some girls who really want to be doctors, but don’t think they can manage all the schooling, so they pick nursing instead. Which is fine, but if they really want to be docs, I think they should go for it! (there I go, pushing my agenda)
It is interesting what you say about the guy with the medicinesux blog. I was thinking last time I went for a check up, the way my doc was forced to do her job really sucked. The staff kept interupting her too while she was visiting me, and she seemed very uncomfortable yet resigned to it. When you only get to see people for 15 minutes, and then you have to move on, it would be hard to form a relationship with your patients.
It is hard not to be somewhat hypocritical when it comes to ANYTHING! I always feel hypocritical, especially when I nag my students to do their math homework, when I never in fact did mine
. Also, when you start consciously trying to practice mindfulness, your own hypocricies become all-the-more apparent. The only solution is to smile at yourself and try to do better next time.
Stress Warrior–that is true: you never did your math homework. The irony of you being a math teacher has not escaped me
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This is a great post. I push green and anti-consumerism … until I catch myself. Because when I do it, I am no different than someone pushing their religion, right? It’s never welcome. And yet I think we all feel — I know I do sometimes — that our cause is different somehow, and therefore deserves pushing.
@littlehousesouthernprairie: Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. You are right, it really is no different to push a green lifestyle on a Hummer-driver versus a religious lifestyle on a die-hard atheist. While I agree that green values are worth pushing, I think that trying to prosthelytize people is usually pointless. On the other hand, as a teacher, I never know what will resonate with a student, so sometimes I try to send them messages in subtle ways. Maybe living by example is the best strategy.